Friday Headlines - 1/25/13

Seth didn't use any of my jokes last week, but I thought I'd keep at it, anyway. It was a short week, so this will go quickly.

Due to some quirks in the calendar, President Obama became the first president since FDR to get sworn in to office four different times. You do have to wonder, though, if the president really just likes rubbing it into Justice Roberts face that he won the election.

Republican lawmakers gave the American people a break from fiscal showdowns by voting to allow debt ceiling increases until a long-term budget deal can be reached, with a new deadline in April.

It's a lot like my cat deciding to hold off on barfing on my couch in the morning, and instead waiting to do it on my bed in the afternoon.

The deal struck by the GOP includes a "no pay" clause that kicks in if a deal isn't reached in April. I have instituted a similar no pay clause for myself until Saturday Night Live and I can reach an agreement. (It should be noted that they are unaware of this arrangement and probably aren't planning to pay me anyway)

On the military front, Defense Chief Leon Panetta announced that he would clear the way for women to take front-line combat roles. I would make a sexist joke here, but there are 200,000 combat-ready women urging me otherwise.

Finally, things got contentious during a hearing about the terrorist attack in Benghazi with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Senator Rand Paul told Clinton that if he were president, he would have fired her because of the incident.

Clinton assured Senator Paul that when she IS president, she will remember his remarks.

Have a great weekend!