Just Ask for a Packet, Man

In retrospect, stopping at McDonalds before the meeting was a bad choice.

I mean, I did need to eat. Fainting in the middle of the presentation would have impressed nobody. Though, some sympathy points from the client certainly couldn't hurt.

In the end, though, showing up a half an hour late, drenched in ketchup, crying just a little bit... and limping. It was hard not to notice the limp. These are the things that did me in.

And, all could have been avoided if I just didn't stop in for a couple of cheeseburgers.


Maybe I should go to the beginning.

You see, there were these two brothers who made these delicious hamburgers...

Okay, too far back.

You see, I told my wife I would eat better this year...

No, that's no good, either.

Look. I was hungry. There are maybe two legitimate options for lunch if you are running late for a client meeting and the last time I ate at El Pollo Loco, the chicken ran through my colon faster than he ran from the farmer when the butcher truck showed up.

So, Micky D's it was. Convenient, fast, easy. What could go wrong?

Well, they could run out of ketchup. I mean that kind of sucked. I really like ketchup and I think it was reasonable to think that if I jiggled the little spigot thing a bit more might seep out.

To be fair, I was correct in assuming there was more ketchup in the dispenser.

I know that because when I broke the spigot, it jetted about two gallons of sodium-packed goodness all over my shirt.

It would be fair to say that I panicked. The steps I took to remedy the situation were as follows:

1. Scream like a wounded puppy
2. Run through the swinging door to the kitchen in hopes of finding some water
3. Not see the drawer marked "bun wamer"
4. Fracture my left shin on aforementioned drawer
5. Howl like a little lost kitten
6. Fall into a pile of freshly peeled onions
7. Cry like a 13 year old girl seeing Titanic for the first time in 1998

Eventually, I regained my composure after the manager and some burly guy named Chuck threw me into traffic outside the restaurant.

I found my car, started it up and drove to the client because I wasn't smart enough to call and say I had a flat tire (or any excuse better than "I just lost my dignity at the world's number one fast food chain").

So, yeah. I showed up. I went into the conference room. Everybody stared and I guess things could have gone a little bit better. I'm pretty sure I earned a few pity points, though.